Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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