Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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