When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
