it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
