ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
