I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
