i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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