I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
