I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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