Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
