I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
