Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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