Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
