Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
