Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
