i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
