Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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