Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
