This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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