I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
