My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
