On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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