I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
