so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
