New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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