Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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