I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
