So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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