if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
