people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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