my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
