weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
there is puke in my bra ... again
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