8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
