dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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