one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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