I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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