Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
either way he was missing a nipple.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
