is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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