my phone needs a breathalizer
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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