so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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