i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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