I feel great
I just peed on a car
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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