You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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