just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
