last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
