Don't make out with my wife yet
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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