You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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