party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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