i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
