I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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