cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
