there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
His nipple licking is glorious
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