Welp...herpes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
