Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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