yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
