We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
