I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
should my penis look like a turkey
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
